THE PERFORMER

Did anyone else notice that?

Did anyone else notice it?

Did anyone else notice the fear in ITS eyes?

I’m not sure if IT’S sure if IT knows

whether or not IT feels like IT’S doing me a disservice

anymore…

I wonder if the audience cares anymore

I wonder if they know which were the laughing moments

and which were the truths

It’s all in the subtlety of an eyelash

It’s all in the quick exhale and inhale of breath

It’s all in the way IT can’t hold my gaze for very long

Quicker to shed material, than to think of something different –

beyond ITS scope…

To think of potential, to dream of hope…

To misread my wide eyes for innocence

IT shows me how much IT hates me and loves me all at once.

IT lays ITS orifice on another

IT begs me to watch

to see how ugly and awful and thoughtless IT is…

to see how much a heart can break at ITS expense

to see how long I’ll stay, if I’ll stay…

It’s like a test I didn’t prepare for but should’ve known was coming.

IT shoos me away for that’s the only thing IT knows how to do

IT feels odd at the compassion IT was given, IT hadn’t seen that in awhile

IT remembers it as a strange sensation that made IT comfortable once

and IT even longed for IT sometimes, still

but year surpasses year and IT’S getting older

and more self-righteous and more set in ITS ways…

or at least that’s the excuse IT gives to ITSELF.

Love is a concept not accepted by IT anymore…

Passionless lust is all IT knows and can vouch for

and no doe-eyed depressive can change that.

The world is a stage

and not meant for the unglamorous weak

Any seasoned professional can tell you that.

8/30/2014 8:10AM

unladylike pg.12_2011

 “TEMPLE OF REGRESSION”

WE BROKE EACH OTHER’S HEARTS

YOU AND I

WE DON’T LIVE

EXTENDED GLAMOUROUS LIVES

THE ONES WE THOUGHT

WE WERE OWED BY THIS TIME

MY JAW’S BROKEN

AND NOTHING COMES EASILY…

YOU THINK I DON’T

REALLY EXIST

AND I’M COMPLETELY

DISCONNECTED…

DON’T EXPECT ME

TO EXPLOIT THOSE VERY FEW

FOR THE SAKE OF ART…

IF I’M NO GOOD,

I’M NO GOOD

I’M GETTING TIRED OF TRYING.

HOW MANY BLOWS TO ONE’S EGO

CAN ONE PERSON TAKE?

HOW MANY REJECTIONS

CAN ONE SOUL RECEIVE?…

BEFORE INTEREST

AND DOLLARS

AND YOUTH

AND ENTHUSIASM

AND SPIRIT

START TO WANE?

WE BROKE EACH OTHER’S

HEARTS

YOU AND I…

AM 7/28/2014

Artistically speaking, I’ve recently developed and obligated myself to the Go Big or Go Home (Again!) Theory. I’ve been kicking around some ideas for work for some time now but have lacked the time, space, energy, and/or funds to create. This is nothing new but it’s not impossible and I’ve had opportunities in the past (then taken for granted), to, for simplicity’s sake, “get my shit together.” But I’ve always had to learn my lessons the hard way and as multiple-jobbed-year passes multiple-jobbed-year I feel I’m finally ready to stop being so submissive in my own life. Go Big or Go Home (Again!) is a demand for better art, noting my own art school failures (i.e. no money, depression/underaged alcohol abuse, familial situations, etc. culminating in my choice to take a leave from SAIC).

Now as any obnoxious, self-promoting, collegiate, professor will tell you, in order to make art you’ve got to look at art. As a student, I found myself intimidated by a never-ending list of modern artists that I didn’t feel had anything to do with my practice. Name dropping became a gross necessity. What I didn’t realize then is that you have to build a certain vocabulary/Rolodex of artists and their works and then, and only then, can you sift through the clutter and focus on what will inspire you to create your own work. While I still tend to focus on images versus names, (unless I feel they need cataloging for further review), I am keen on the works of Sebastian Errazuriz. His were images I had apparently seen long ago, but with only casual fascination, fell to the back burner. The other day I came across his latest work 12 Shoes for 12 Lovers and instantly needed to jot a name down. Combining fashion, design, shoe fetish, and personal narrative, 12 Shoes just felt genuine and solidified an idea for a series that I’ve been carrying around in my head. Shown are some digital sketches I made to get the creative juices flowing…

UPCOMING EVENTS: RISD Staff/Faculty Exhibition @ Woods-Gerry Gallery; AS220 Black Xmas Flea Market! Check back in the next few weeks for more details/updates!

 *A: “One time when I was on the bus I saw a sign that said, ‘Jesus thinks you’re to die for…’ B: “…And I thought, ‘Oh, that’s clever!’ But, what would you come up with for other organized religions…? Buddha can’t wait to see you again? Brigham Young wishes you and the Mrs. Mrs. Mrs. well…?”