Travel makes us weary. Technology makes us want. We are going through some of the neediest times of our lives, separately, of course. Separate sides of the bed, separate seconds of slivers of exposed skin. We’ve come together through an unspoken bond of a complete lack of self-esteem. If only for a moment could I have the courage to say I’d rather our bodies melt slowly together, not heaving and not to be moved in order to hear the literal existence of heart beats that we’d normally keep to ourselves. True camaraderie lies in shared secrets and the willingness to let go. I am not a burden and you are not someone I should have to save, even if, at times, I would like to. We are fragile but rebuilding, evolving.

I know this now but…

You’ll pretend that you don’t mind when a man takes a seat at my lonely table, eagerly awaiting conversation and the exchange of links and online portfolios. I’ll pretend that I don’t care when you tell other women how attractive they are, as they politely sit beside me.

I know I deserve respect but…

We are simple. You pray for “death”, an easier escape, after a series of unfortunate events that have only been alluded to. I’ll wander down new streets hoping that something, anything, will open up my chest with such a great and glowing veracity that the stars themselves would envy my light. I’m in love with my mosquito bites, they remind me that I actually went somewhere and that I have so many more places to go. I still have hope.

I know this now but…

One day, probably much later than anytime soon, I’ll travel deep into green wood, dive headfirst into clear blue, sink into a hot spring, disappear into the fog of a red-skyed autumn evening leaving only behind good intentions, miscalculations, and a smile that will never be erased.

I will find peace. I will grow. I will settle. I will move on.

Samways and Fick, Inc.


S&F INC.
believes that leaders deserve to have a high-performing team and we help them (the leaders) to place the right people in the right seats doing the right things in the right foundation at the right time and in the right climate.Helping You Reach the Area Near the Top of Your Mountain

Working with Samways and Fick: Consultants proved to be a weird yet insightful experience.  The team was simple to work with, arrived on a bus and forged a process that was unique to our needs. They had embroidered shirts with mountains on them. They matched our tasks to other people’s tasks, thus bringing everybody together as one. I recommend them enthusiastically for anyone who is interested in a complimentary sack lunch and a free tote bag.” – Suzy, East Lankville 

(REAL TESTIMONIAL)

Why we do what we do:

We believe in our clients’ potential. Our clients can do anything that they set their minds to – and by golly, do we mean ANYTHING! There’s really no holding them back, (even if others would prefer that they did). No, if it’s the stars that they want – it’s the galaxy that they shall consume! We love meeting new people.

How our clients benefit: 

Our clients are our top priority…when there’s nothing good on television, after dinner usually. As a client of S&F INC., you’ll reap the rewards of a top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art, fully integrated, emotionally toiling, no-strings-attached relationship. We only have your best interests at heart; trust us, it’s better this way.

What we do:​​​​

We eliminate waste on a regular, daily schedule – a move that positively affects the bottom line. Implementing our Core Values™, we’ve helped thousands of companies cut costs and rebuild infrastructure. Our approval rate is well within the profit margin and our numbers (9 – 86) are through the roof! Do not hesitate to make an appointment with us today! S&F INC: Helping You Reach the Area Near the Top of Your Mountain, Since 2014.

     Core Values 

  • Quality
  • Accountability
  • Balance
  • Food (small)
  • Team
  • Lighting
  • Fun
  • Meeting Customer Expectations
  • Collaboration
  • Bathrooms 

A PAID ADVERTISING TESTIMONIAL 

 

“I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO WIN MORE TROPHIES…” 

 

says Dr. Grabkurt, renowned “life” expert. Dr. Grabkurt believes that the trophy is man’s greatest barometer of success. “It is far more important than meaningless academic degrees or life experiences,” the trophy authority notes. “I will teach you how to acquire more trophies, bigger trophies, trophies that have more little gold people on top and trophies that will impress everyone, from potential “lovers” to business associates.” Sign up now for this once in a lifetime opportunity!

NOW AVAILABLE    Pamphlets by Dr. Grabkurt  ($9.95 each!)

Sports Trophies: The Sleeping Giant  

How to Parlay the Winning of a Big Trophy into a Deep, Satisfying Relationship (Heterosexual Only) 

Dr. Grabkurt’s Guide to Avoiding Dying Alone and Trophy-less: A 26-Step Handbook 

Name____________________

 

Address_________________

 

Number of Trophies

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Clip and Mail to:

Dr. Grabkurt

General Delivery

Lankville

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Investigative Report by Zach Keebaugh

Paladin Pizza in Central Lankville has been in business since 1972. They operate out of a mean, one-story building nestled in front of a defunct factory. The parking lot is cracked and worn and the sidewalk in front of the door has nearly returned to dirt. The windows are covered by weather-beaten cardboard and the lighted sign has been burned out every since I started living above the knives and puzzles shop across the street.

Finally, I had had enough. What the hell is up with this place? I aimed to find out.

I am Zach Keebaugh: Investigative Reporter.

I went in at lunchtime. The small, poorly-lit seating area was completely empty. Pieces of newspaper littered the floor. It felt like no heat had been on in the place for ages. There was no counter– merely a ragged chasm in the brown paneling that offered a view into the kitchen. A pulpy middle-aged face suddenly appeared in the breach.

“Let’s have a pie, make it a large and a steak sandwich too,” I called out. The pulpy face nodded very slightly and then disappeared. I took a seat and looked over the ancient laminated placemat. There was a little maze on there– you had to lead the pepperoni through the maze to the pizza on the other side. That was cool, that occupied me for a little while.

It was then that I became aware of complete and total silence. Nothing moved through the chasm. It was the absence of sound that stunned me, it was an absence of life as well. They have killed all their customers it suddenly occurred to me. The ovens are inoperable. There will be no pizza. There will be only the end. This is your denouement Keebaugh, I thought.

“Yo,” I called out. It was desperation, more than anything else. The pulpy, expressionless face returned. “Yo, are you making that pizza, that steak sandwich?” I started backing away towards the door– I could feel the thin strands of sunlight as I drew closer. The pulpy face said nothing. Relax, Keebaugh I thought. I breathed.

And then a bag was pushed through the chasm. The bottom was covered in grease. But there was something inside. It was the sub (and, as I unexpectedly found out later, the pizza too). They had shoved the pizza into a paper bag. It was eldritch, this pizza, made by phantoms.

I threw a twenty at the chasm. Some change somehow appeared.

“Enjoy your meal,” the chasm said. The pulpy figure was gone. I looked at the chasm. It grew suddenly grey outside. Nothing further was coming, I knew it. I thought about approaching, thought about trying to get a glimpse into the kitchen. But there was just no way, man. It was over. I had to accept it. The chasm had accepted it.

The pizza was good though. And so was the sub.

That’s what you should take away from this, man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Director Daniel Haller’s 1970 cult classic, “The Dunwich Horror,” an adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft short story, stars a mustachioed Dean Stockwell as Wilbur Whateley, a man with a plan and an eye on a book. The book in question is the infamous and oft-used manual for summoning spirits with black magic, the Necronomicon . Enter Sandra Dee, as the impressionable, pretty-young-thing who falls under the spell of the mysterious Whateley, much to her detriment. Working in her university’s library near closing time, she is easily manipulated into handing over the priceless Necronomicon to Whateley because she “trust(s) him,” despite the pleas of a concerned friend. As viewers will soon find out, this means that all hell will literally break loose.

 

Add in a few crazed hippies cavorting in a fever dream, a small town in the middle of nowhere, hooded occultists, a demonic pregnancy, and you’ve got yourself a good time. In honor of H.P. Lovecraft’s 125 birthday, NecronomiCon Providence and Frank Difficult Presents have collaborated with a screening of the film along with music from local bands and live performances during the movie, (à la Rocky Horror). Audience members are encouraged to dress up in their finest black robes. An entry fee of five dollars is amazingly low and well worth the expense – help bring back the “Old Ones!”

 

I’m a bit saccharine and that’s not subject to change so…I’ll put my ear to the floorboards in the hopes that I’ll learn something – just how does everyone else do it? Walk hand in hand, knowing or at least pretending to know a secret language reserved for two (?)

Is that obsessive behavior? Have I lost my touch? Is that obsessive behavior lost in my touch?

Here’s a plan and you should follow my lead, because I’m bored and you’re depleted and somehow we’ve been reminded of our separate sadness – Look, I’m learning!

I’ll draw a square around my ankles and live in it. I’ll roll the chalk to you so you can fit yourself into a circle – I know you’re capable! Now toss the chalk as far away from you as possible, past paved parking lots and playgrounds, over hills and through various cities – (if your arm is good). Now look at me.

Occasionally, you may want to erase that one continuous line you’ve drawn and reshape the constraints – your own version of geometry. In some instances, you may even feel comfortable enough to connect your lines to mine and I may, at some times, even want to erase a line and extend it towards you myself. I’ll do this because I’ll want to help, because I’m like that. I’m impulsive in the best and worst ways. You’ll lose track of the ever changing blueprint of your shape and feel good for a moment, finding pleasure in the uncertainty. I’ll move an inch to the left of my slowly dissolving square, tiptoeing like the stealthiest feline but kick a nearby pebble in the process.

You’ll snap out of your daze and quickly retreat, tethering yourself to the absolute radius of your enclosure. You’ll wag a finger at me and I’ll have nothing to say.