THIS JUST IN!

The Contributing Female strikes occasionally…

The Lankville Daily News

By Sarah Samways: Reporter Who is a Woman By Sarah Samways: Reporter Who is a Woman

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

THIS JUST IN!

WOMAN’S RECKONER CALLS IT QUITS

Reckoning of the Reckoner for Local Woman? Reckoning of the Reckoner for Local Woman?

Yesterday evening, a local area woman got home from work and attempted to turn on her Reckoner, as per her end-of-shift routine. Unfortunately, it buzzed and whirred and its screen remained black. After several attempts to revive it, the woman picked up a book (covered in cobwebs and dust), and fell asleep.

THIS JUST IN!

BOY PULLS GIRL’S BRAIDS, STITCHES NEEDED ON SITE

Rascal and general hooligan, Johnny Lane, 7, was seen chasing an unidentified foreign girl in the schoolyard. The girl, who doesn’t speak any Lankville languages, sustained severe injuries to the scalp and psyche when Lane pulled her braids until several strands broke and were ripped straight out of her head. The event left many baffled and bits of the girl’s…

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